The Pitfalls of Rock Bottom

They say all men are created equal. Who knew that statement meant that we were equally imperfect? No matter what the portrayals of our works are, the things that we don't see or are not allowed to see about each other tell this tale. In recent times as a society, we have seen many "great" people have the things that we were not supposed to see about them revealed to us. I don't know what is better, to see them as the version of themselves that they wanted us to see, or to realize that what we see is not always what we get when their story reveals itself. With the unearthing of the trials and tribulations of people like Steve Mcnair, Rick Pitino, Chris Brown, the list of disappointment just gets longer by the day. The reality or the potential of certain people not always being who we thought they were tends to take its toll on us as a society. It is getting to the point in which we expect the next day to bring the next disappointment in the falling of our "heroes." There always seems to be someone cheating our perceptions of who we think they are in life or cheating their respective craft by way of integrity. As if the way they approach their craft is the same way they approach life itself and vice versa. What is the biggest part of this problem? Is it their actions? Does it depend on whose actions are being revealed to us? Or is it simply the fact that these people that most of us don't really know, actually matter to our society that much for us to even be disappointed or let down by their actions? It really has to make one wonder.

I think that as a society, we tend to look towards the wrong people, places and things for guidance, influence, and sometimes worship. I don't think it is wrong to have heroes. But for us as a society to not really know these people outside of what we see on TV or read in a book, it makes our choice of "heroes" seem to be pretty unintelligent and uniformed. It is not to say that our "heroes" are supposed to be perfect. However, it seems that some mask who they really are or hide some of the things that they are capable of just to be received or perceived as perfect heroes. I don't think anyone that exists can live an existence without obstacles or hardships. No matter how good life can seem to be. Though it seems that our "heroes" tend to be our heroes because they seem to be exempted from such realities. Ironically at the end of the day, the reality is that they also can't escape the obstacles or hardships of life. Which makes us as a society all the more foolish to hold these people that we don't really know in the esteem that we do.

I don't think the revelation of the failures of our "heroes" is the part that is the most disappointing in the scenarios that are revealed. Well, I don't think it is the failures on their own merit anyway. I think as we relate the revealed failures in conjunction with what we do know prior to the revelations, is what brings about the most shock and is the cause of the most ridicule. I will use Rick Pitino as an example. For those that might not be familiar, Pitino is a successful college basketball coach and accomplished author. He is also a husband and father of five and also, a devout catholic. That is the Rick Pitino that we have been presented with as a society anyway. It has come to light that this devout catholic and father and husband had an affair with a woman that allegedly became pregnant and provided the means for her to execute an abortion after the fact. The affair with the woman has been confirmed by Pitino himself. Some of the other details are not as clear after the public backlash to the allegations. There seems to be some pulling of strings going on behind the scenes to at least for the short term, lessen the severity of the knowledge of the actions. There was money given to this woman which also has been confirmed by Pitino for the alleged abortion. Although his camp is arguing that it was given to her for her to purchase some medical insurance with. Regardless, the reality of the affair at the very least is true. Which contradicts his success as a husband and father and devout catholic in theory. It wouldn't be as hard of a pill to swallow if from the time during and since these allegations and admitted affair, he wouldn't have written books about the art of success and charged several thousand dollars per lecture to give speeches on how to be a success. Especially when we now know that he carried in his heart the reality and truth about what was then unknown. My point is, why soak up all of the benefits of being a "hero" when as an individual and man, if people knew the truth, they would never hold you in that regard? Why does it seem impossible to just be honest? It doesn't mean that being honest about the wrong that one days makes it OK to be wrong. But if someone comes to you to give a speech or write a book during a dark phase of your life, why not be honest and say I am not in the right frame of mind to do that. Or simply, I don't know what it means to be a success right now because I have some things personally that I am dealing with that are very contradictory to that subject matter. I can talk about my current failures or troubles if you want me to speak. I guess to hear that, you would need to live in a perfect world. I feel we need more Charles Barkleys in the world. He is the blueprint for someone that was given "hero" status and came out publicly and said that he is not a "hero" and didn't want that status. He was just a basketball player and a man with flaws. The real heroes and role models are the parent's raising their kids so they can grow up to have as few flaws a possible. That was his message. So now when we see him get in some sort of trouble that comes out in the public eye, we just say that is Charles just being Charles. Since he let the truth about himself be known for all to see and hear. In which whether you like Charles Barkley or not, you have to respect the point of view. Especially after a scenario such as Pitino's.

It is not to say that when the flaws are unearthed, then we just ridicule them as if those flaws are the only elements of their life that define them. Pitino, personal flaws or not, is still a great basketball coach. I think that the Pitinos of the world don't do themselves any favors in accepting and singing their own praises though. I think that comes part and parcel with who they are. That is how they have been molded. Many of the athletes and entertainers or people in public positions like Pitino, or a Chris Brown, (who we now know has some domestic violence issues of his own,) have lived a life in which they have never had to be held accountable for anything. In Pitino's case, part of his job description is to hold his student athletes accountable for their discretions as young men, students, basketball players and good citizens. Which makes it all the more disappointing and ironic to see him have to go through the things that are present in his life now. This is probably the first time he ever really had to be held accountable for being Rick Pitino the man and not Pitino the basketball coach. Everything is handed to most people in these positions. Society has molded them to be held to a different standard and the same society has taught us to make it possible for them to be held to that different standard. This same one hand feeding the other system is what makes them able to succeed in such great amounts in their professions. It is also what allows for them to fail as men, fathers, and husbands as well. One can be jaded and wonder which version in who we see is the true version. In other words, would the real Rick Pitino or Chris Brown or insert "hero," please stand up. Or are they simply both versions? Two sides of a book as Wyclef Jean would say.

In no uncertain terms, do I feel sorry for these fallen "heroes." I don't see them as such. I do feel sorry for them as men or women. I do feel sorry for the people that believe in them. Their families, their friends, the people that know them and love them. At least know a version of them anyway. Being on the outside looking in, I think Pitino, Brown and the people that actually have to suffer a consequence in having their truths revealed are better off for having to suffer that consequence. Regardless of everyone else that has to suffer that consequence with them. I would consider them the lucky ones. They are lucky because they have the chance to make amends. They can right their wrongs. They can seek redemption. The unlucky ones are the Steve Mcnairs of the world. The ones that experience the ultimate in tragedy in the midst and as a direct result of the apparent double life that is lived. Steve Mcnair died by the hands of his mistress. He will never have his day to right the wrong or to make amends with his family.

The one thing I personally don't understand when these stories come about, is how do they not anticipate the tragic outcomes or what they would subject their families to when they know they are doing things that they shouldn't do. I wonder if they even care about the possible hurt. If it is even a factor in the equation. It seems to me that if one would think about others even before they think of themselves in these sorts of cases, a lot of these events could be avoided. Then to make matters worse, when the story unfolds, they plead with the public about the mistakes that they have made as if they are victims of circumstance and not their own decision making process. Also, it seems to me in many instances, they hold the reporting of the facts in higher regard than the reality of the facts. They don't take blame for the message being reported. They challenge the integrity of the messenger instead. It is rare you find full accountability taken.

Again, we are not perfect as people so we can't expect perfection. One can hope and expect for good judgement in people though. One can hope that we all see things clearly and see things the way that they are supposed to be seen. I think to call these actions mistakes is flawed. I think it hinders the learning experience for everyone involved. Both the people involved and the people from the outside looking in. I associate mistakes as a negative result that comes from the right or good intention. Kind of like a math problem. In solving for X, we might not understand all of the steps as we work our way through the formulas. So if we come up with one wrong aspect in solving the equation, then the answer to that whole equation is wrong no matter how many of the steps you got right in solving the equation. Although wrong, the spirit was still there to come up with the right answer. Then upon not getting the right answer, we study more to try and succeed the next time we have to solve that kind of equation. When it comes to the human condition, I don't think mistakes are made in our own conscious decision making process. We can't accidentally make a decision. If the truth in these tragic stories never come to light, then a mistake is never acknowledged. It is only after the fact in being caught while having your hand in the cookie jar so to speak, that brings about that kind of response. You never have the intent to come up with the right answer when your intent is to hide who you really are or what you are capable of or are a part of. So I don't think mistake is the right word to use. I think as a society, we need to come up with something better, something more fitting, or simply, just the truth. Acknowledging such actions as mistakes doesn't give the actions themselves their full power of magnitude or respect. It softens the blow which therefore lessons the ability to learn the full lessons. I guess though, that is provided one is truly sorry for the wrongs that they do and actually acknowledges these kind of things as negative or wrong.

I don't want to sound as if I don't understand how these things can happen. I get it. I know that we don't always make the wisest of decisions all of the time. With that said, I actually think these outcomes in poor judgement are the best things that can happen to all of the individuals involved. Well, not for Mcnair. But that is my point, maybe if he cared more about the kind of father and husband he had to be, he wouldn't have had the things that happened to him actually happen. I believe that the ones that can survive hitting rock bottom are blessed by that. They are blessed by having the truth about them revealed to them. These sort of public and societal figures sometimes just don't see themselves in the truest of ways. They have a sort of tunnel vision. No matter how many people follow them or love them, somehow, they only see and care about themselves in how they live their life. In hitting rock bottom though, they can take those rocks and use them as stepping stones and building blocks to be the person that everyone always wanted them to be or expected them to be. The person that they need to be. The right kind of husband and father first. That is what defines you in the end. It is not what you do as your profession that defines you. It shouldn't anyway. Maybe that train of thought of what they do being so important is another element to the problem of what makes it hard to overcome these kind of circumstances. Or how one ends up in that kind of circumstance in the first place. Regardless, it is the legacy that you leave behind as a father and husband that is attached to your name as a member of society. Who your kids will be in the end and how they pay it forward is truly your mark. That is how it should be if we keep things in the proper order and proper perspective at least.

Not everyone can play a sport or sing a song or write a book, but we are all in the same boat as we just try to get through our every day ways of life. Everyone is a member of society no matter what role we play in it. I think the hitting rock bottom allows us to no longer have to look just at the profession as the identity of anyone that finds themselves in situations like these. It allows us to actually care about the man or the woman over caring about the coach or the author. That is the most important thing. We have to be honest about who we really are and then see if it is in conjunction with who we are supposed to be. If we are true to what is expected of us. We have got to take in to account how our outcomes affect someone else's outcome. If we truly care about who we are, then we can begin to care about each other. That is the stepping stone to maximizing the life that we live.